Ok so I'm still feeling very strange about all this! I go back to the ashram at 2 and get met by a guy called Lawrence...I tell him I'm coming to work with the kids...he misunderstands me..and tells me to go, I aks him whether I can't sit and wait and he says NO GO..and I cry....what is going on!!!! ii come back at 3pm, no one is very friendly, but I find a French woman who is helping the kids paint and i just join in.....Francois comes to apologise and says he didn't realise that I was offering service. I stay there till darshan......I realise that there are people staying at the ahsram, and that is the only way to get the benefit from this experience...morning meditation etc....there is no room for me apparently. So I get a tuk tuk back to my undesirable room...I am starving, only had one dosa all day...one stand after another looks filthy, but I am so hungry that I sit on a bit of newspaper, cry again and order some rice . ...and expect to vomit!...if I don't, then at leastI can eat there tomorrow! I cannot leave this place yet, I am being tested......I will go to the Ashram to help the kids with their homework at 4.30. and then stay for darshan....try and get something positive out of it..I am feeling too sorry for myself.....
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