Can I last at the Ashram

I am at the mercy of the GODS! I get there for 4.30 to help the kids with homework and Lawrence informs they must bath and get ready for Darshan.....I take a deep breath and leave....Outside the ashram I first try and talk to a woman who is walking next to me...and am met with "Please not now this is not the right time!" I then meet and Austrian who had just left Sai Babba's ashram because it is his birthday this week and thousands of tourists are invading the place. Someone told him about mother and he has decided to come here for a week. We go in at about 5.30 and wait in the hall...I am trying to be calmer and more positive. Darshan is great, and I feel a little lighter. As I leave I ask Lawrence if I can do anything, and he says be here for 9am to work in the kitchen. On my way home I stop at a temple, who knows what they are worshipping but it beautiful with candles and lotus flowers. I go in and see a man who I have seen before at Mother's. I sit beside him and we watch the festival. When I leave he comes out with me asks me if I fancy cofee. He is from Poland but has the Indian name of Yashek..(I think..although now that sounds a bit E European)....he has been in an ashram in the North for 2 months, and now is here for 2 weeks and then goes to another Ashram in Tamil Naidu for 2 months....and all this to, yes wait for it TO FIND HIMSELF....At coffee I entertain the kids, with my now counting up to 5 in Hindi and doing my fake neck rotations...at one point even the policeman is copying me...Yashek who is very serious breaks out in a laugh....I tell you it is hard to make these devotees smile they are all so serious. He asks me why I am here, and I am not sure, A bit of spiritual, a bit of art and a bit of health I say...typical me, not to focus on one thing, I want it all. He takes me to  a nearby hotel walking distance from the Ashram...and the first person I meet is the woman, who wouldn't talk to me and then the Austrian, who is having a conversation " We are all god so is Hitler...even I can't hate him!"....I decide I want to be as far away from the Ashram and these devotees as possible,. I will remain in town on my own...I am starting to love it there.